The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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