why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
