I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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