sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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