Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
