its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize