Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she smelled like a LAN party
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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