I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
