They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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