Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
