hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
