plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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