I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
