we made out on top of his cat.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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