I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
