Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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