She is in my trunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
