it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
