you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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