We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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