He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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