I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
