ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
