Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
