Just cropdusted the office
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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