what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
