I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
