Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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