Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
