You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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