After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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