Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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