I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
