My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
