She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ttyl tear gas
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
