there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize