I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
