Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
