Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sext me about skeletons
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
