thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
