I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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