Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
