Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
