If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
