I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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