Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm like, not good at living.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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