That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize