how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
