I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Mom said you looked used
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
