Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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