evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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