I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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