I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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