fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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