meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
