dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
