dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
