her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i believe in u and ur pee
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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