What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
