I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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