So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
