I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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