3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
