I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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