Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
