I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
