just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
