Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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