she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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