How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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