I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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