Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
