nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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